I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
