You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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