Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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