dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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