i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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