Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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