after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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