I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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