hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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