im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
