So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
