found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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