I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize