On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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