Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
