We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
