idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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