i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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