o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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