I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize