dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How does it feel to date your dad?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
