The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
