Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
