ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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