Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize