We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
