TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
