Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
