why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
