You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
