possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
