I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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