I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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