I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
