I think im going to throw up on grandma
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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