He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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