yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
