WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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