Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
