She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
