id be glad to
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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