worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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