So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
