The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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