I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
