They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
