just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
