After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
