everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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