"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
