He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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