ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
