nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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