my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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