I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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