she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
