i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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