I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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