my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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