walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize