If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
