i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize