so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
