I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
