I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
