dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Boobs are out for the taking
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
