i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
