Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
