I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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