your thong is hanging out like whoa
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize